In Galway lived an old lady\ who after 89 years was still a virgin and very proud of it.
Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she died, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk), Seamus, to make proper final arrangements.
As a last wish, she informed Seamus, she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:
"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully in her rocker in front of a warm peat fire.
A few days after the funeral, as Seamus started to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording she had chosen.
Ah, but Seamus thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.
For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker gave him the solution.
He completed the auld virgin's tombstone, and duly engraved it read:
"RETURNED UNOPENED"
Have a Happy (and a safe) St. Patrick's Day ...
Except the Iran which still needs to be nuked.
Ahhh, tonight we'll all be pals!
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