TIRED OF SAYING HAPPY HOLIDAYS?

How tired are you of saying “happy holidays” to people because some group or the other might be offended by saying “Merry Christmas?”

(NOTE: Down in Florida, the land of palm trees, plywood, blue tarps and gators they start celebrating Christmas, it seems, just after Labor Day, and that may explain why this tale might seem a bit premature to the rest of you. Be that as it may …)

Christmas Land

My wife’s rather caustic yet appropriate observation that crowded civic events are places from which both “pets and vets” should be banned, set the tone for our evening at Naples, Florida’s “Evening of Lights” or some-such named annual festivity.

A street fair – musicians are a-playing, dancers a-dancing, ersatz snow spews from streetpole-mounted snow blowers, every storefront, and palm and monkey-puzzle tree is covered in white lights – upscale shopping mecca Third Street is closed to traffic.

The crowd is a combination of plastic-breasted elbow candy, elegantly attired Southwest Florida matrons, well-to-do Naple-ites with resigned Botox-engraved smiles, Rebel-flag wearing mud truckers, nouveau riche young couples with 1.2 children, and snowbirds and tourists of all shapes, sizes and backgrounds from far and wide. And, yes, there is a scattering of jumpy vets and pets, neither of which should be in the shoulder-to-shoulder crowd. Everyone – with the exception of octogenarian bags of skin who seem to think they have the right of way based on age – have adapted to the crowd’s ebb and flow, though I hear one large local say, “Who are all these gah-damn people and what are they doing in my town?” If I lived here, I wouldn’t have said it better.


Getting To The Point

The first scene one comes across after walking past a relaxed motorcycle patrolman watching the crowd from a side-saddle, helmetless post atop his Harley, is a Nativity scene. No protestors from atheist groups, the ACLU or other religious sects, cults, et al, who feel affronted by this, the scene is a live diorama using local children in all the parts with a script copied verbatim from the Bible and broadcast via speakers for all to hear.

Christmas is the holiday, and while Channukah has been around since before Christmas, most Jews will readily admit it has no where near the religious associative importance of Christmas for Christians. The more recent, Kwanza, celebrates family and culture, occurs around the time of Christmas, but again has no historic religious association, being an agricultural fete. Ramadan happens in October (or the ninth month of the Muslim year) and atheists don’t celebrate anything religious, the nearest being Supreme Court decisions (which could bring up an entirely different rant, but I’ll demur in order to make my point).


No, Stupid, It’s Merry Christmas

So there I am, jumpy as a terrorist at a Jiffy Lube, watching a beautiful ceremony unfold in a public park, under a suspiciously Bethlehem-stable-looking cupola being repeated every half-hour or so with no complaints, no signs of protest and no ACLU lawyers stopping it mid-act.

They say that the real America lies west of the Hudson River and east of the San Andreas. I think maybe south of the Mason Dixon line ought to be added to that. All I gotta say after last night is, thank God for Naples, Florida.

Merry CHRISTMAS. To all.